PART 17 - MY JOURNEY WITH MJ

After being told that MJ had DSLD and would never jump or compete again, I had to start accepting that our life together was going to look very different.

The vets felt that the only thing she could really do was hack, so that was what we decided to focus on. At the time, I thought that sounded quite straightforward. After everything we'd been through, surely hacking out quietly and enjoying each other's company couldn't be too difficult?

The problem was that there was something I'd noticed over the years which, at the time, I hadn't really understood.

Every time MJ had been off work injured, she came back into hacking more anxious than she had been before.

It seemed to get progressively worse the longer she was off.

This was particularly noticeable if there were other horses around. We never really got to the bottom of exactly why it happened, because it wasn't as though she behaved like this in every situation.

In fact, the contrast was quite bizarre.

At competitions, MJ could be completely surrounded by horses. We could be warming up on a cross-country field with horses flying past us, or in a small showjumping arena with horses coming towards us from all directions, and she was absolutely fine.

Out hacking with another horse was a completely different story.

By 2022 I could no longer safely hack her with other horses because she'd get herself into such a state. It was as though a red mist descended and she completely lost control of her body. She'd go backwards, sideways, bunny-hop, stand on her own feet and generally become incredibly difficult to manage.

So when we were told that hacking was going to be our future, I decided that we would persevere, but I would stop trying to make her hack with other horses.

We started taking her to different places and gradually exposing her to lots of things. We did online treasure hunts, which sounds slightly ridiculous, but actually gave us a really good reason to go to places we probably wouldn't otherwise have visited. We'd have things to find such as railway crossings and traffic lights, which meant that I was constantly finding different routes and taking her somewhere new.

One Sunday morning I even hacked her into Kilmarnock town centre, which was quite an achievement for both of us!

The more varied places we went, the more settled she seemed to become, and I started to think that perhaps we were going to be okay.

Then, in July 2024, I decided to enter our first affiliated TREC competition.

I'd never done TREC before, so we spent quite a bit of time practising the obstacles and the control of paces, while I tried to get my head around reading a map.

The actual competition started really well. The obstacles went well, as did the control of paces, and I was feeling quite pleased with ourselves. We even gave a lead into fields to other horses...MJ was fine with this (like a competition environment)

Then we reached the orienteering section (like hacking).

And MJ spotted other horses.

Almost immediately that familiar red mist descended.

She started going backwards, into trees, tree stumps and towards other horses. It was no longer just embarrassing or inconvenient; it was genuinely dangerous and we were putting other horses and riders at risk.

So we had to abandon the competition and head home.

I was incredibly disappointed, but more than that, I started questioning whether I was actually doing the right thing by continuing to ride her.

Only a month or so later, I noticed that she wasn't particularly comfortable out hacking again. We live in a very hilly area and she seemed to be struggling with the hills, which obviously wasn't ideal given that we'd been told hacking was now basically all she could do.

After discussions with the vets, I made the decision to retire her completely.

She was still only 13, so it wasn't a decision I wanted to make, but I didn't feel it was fair to keep putting her through something that was clearly becoming increasingly difficult for her.

At that point I honestly thought that was it.

I wasn't thinking about jumping again.

I wasn't even thinking about competing again.

I just wanted MJ to be happy and comfortable.

She lived out as much as possible, had all the care and attention she could possibly want and, during the summer, was out 24/7.

I was going to enjoy her company and find other ways of spending time together.

And then, in November 2024, something happened that completely changed the direction of our story again.

A client of mine recommended a specialist equine vet based in Newmarket, who was a friend of hers. She asked if he would be willing to come and look at MJ.

He did.

And what he told me made me wonder whether perhaps we'd been looking at the wrong problem all along.